I had one of those "aha" moments this morning, the kind that only come once in a blue moon.

I was done with my computer work for the moment. Every morning, I get up, get my coffee, then head to the computer to check my email and so on. I got done with that and decided to go out into the living room and just drink my coffee in peace. Normally my mother is already awake and working at her own computer or blaring the news on TV, or both. But today, she was still asleep (meaning the TV was off, thank goodness) and the house was so still. I brushed Tessa, which she adores, then threw her little ball around, so she could get in her morning aerobics in. I then settled into my favorite recliner, sipped my coffee slowly and stared out my living room window. Across from my apartment are lovely evergreens and a big, grassy knoll. No one was outside, and it was all very quiet and pretty. And that's when my Eureka moment hit me. This was the reason I simplified my life. This was what inner simplicity was.

I have a pretty decent form of outer simplicity, most of it by choice. I've been very lucky to have the knowledge and opportunity to choose that lifestyle. But on the inside, I am still one of those typical Type-A, analytical worrywarts. I've been trying to let go of my worries of the world, of politics and the future. Mostly because it's not worth the stress- people are going to do what they're going to do, after all. The thought occurred to me the other day that happiness is the surest way to inner simplicity. Which I'm sure is true, but practicing happiness isn't exactly a habit I have down pat. Misery, or at least dissatisfaction, tends to be my more constant companion. I hate to admit that, but it's true. Skimming over Elaine St. James' book index of "Inner Simplicity", the request to "Remember a time when I was truly happy" got me thinking. I could think of a few brief moments of true happiness in my life, but it certainly was never a prevailing feeling I had. And that's pathetic. I realized I needed to start creating the feeling of being truly happy right now. There's no time like the present, right?

Fine. That was theoretical, though. I knew what I needed to do, but not exactly how to put it into practice. But this morning, it became reality for me. This was the reason I simplified to begin with, though I didn't really know it. I thought it was about material stuff, and to an extent, it was. But once a lot of that was done, my own mind needed to come next. I want to feel inner peace. Even writing that, I want to roll my eyes. I am a practical person, hardly interested in such esoteric thoughts. But this isn't something mystical and woo-woo. This is reality. I want to be able to sit and drink my coffee in the morning in silence, happy just because I exist and get to enjoy the beauty of the moment. I'm greedy. I want that feeling every moment, every day. I want to feel content. Even in the midst of craziness, I want to feel calm, cool and collected. And I believe now that I will get there.