The snow around here is slow to melt, and it ices over again at night. Ice and I do not mix. It's a variation of Murphy's Law- if there's something for me to slip on or fall over, I'll do. I am a klutz by nature, much as I'd like to believe otherwise.

I started the process of simplifying my life three-and-a-half years ago, when I read "Simplify Your Life" by Elaine St. James. I had to take a good hard look at myself, my spending habits, my deeply ingrained (and often unexamined) beliefs. I thought I was really enlightened back at that time (ah, the folly of youth). So I started cleaning out my closets, my drawers, my purse. I got rid of the extras. Which is not to say I haven't back-slided a few times. I have, and keeping up with the Jones' was an American philosophy so deeply ingrained in me, though I didn't want to admit it. Perfectionism would rear it's head, as would jealousy, spoiled-brat syndrome, and even just sheer boredom. Yeah, sometimes the simple life is dreadfully BORING. Other times, it's very exciting, because you are freed from material constraints and get to explore some really fascinating territory- your own mind.

I didn't expect simplifying my physical possessions to change my heart and mind. It was one of those times when "be careful what you wish for" would apply. It's not what I was going for, a complete change of philosophy or politics. I didn't expect any illusions to fall away, I just wanted to de-clutter my home and life. I wanted more time to think. I wanted more time to myself. I wanted to have outer simplicity, hoping it would bring me inner peace over time. But simplifying, like everything else in life, is a double-edged sword.

With all my extra time, I decided to start reading a lot more. I am very glad I did that. But if you're going to read about political and historical figures, prepare to have all of your previous beliefs challenged. The more I started reading, the more my ardent belief that being a Democrat was the only right way dissipated. I began to see the viewpoint of others more clearly- not necessarily agreeing with them, but understanding where they came. I started to read things I really didn't want to read, after the fact. People were not who I thought they were (who I wanted to believe they were, that is). I realized that everyone really does have a shadow side- for some, it's a downright dark side. Politicians are not to be deified. They are not Messiahs who will rescue us from anything. I began learning about lobbying, bending of the truth to manipulate the masses, the behind-the-scenes shady business deals made by people we trusted to protect us. It's all so...ugly. I won't name names. I will say that I no longer look up to any politicians in any way, shape or form. They are not any smarter than the average person. They have a belief system they've accepted as the truth, and they stick to it. Occasionally, they sell out on those beliefs. Yeah, I know- EVERYBODY knows that. I just didn't know it wasn't the people I believed in. Naive, I am. Gullible, I am. Look beneath the masks of these people- not so pretty.

My next decimation came to my religious and spiritual beliefs. I once believed firmly in a deity. I prayed to him. I read the Bible daily. I believed someone was guiding my life and protecting me. But a funny thing happened when I started simplifying. The cognitive dissonance I'd always lived with became so abundantly clear to me, in that quiet space now cleared out in my mind, and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I started to read. What I believed in was a fairy tale. And belief in a fairy tale had no place in my new, simple life.

I was depressed. All of my old, comforting beliefs- beliefs in the good of mankind, in a supernatural being watching over us, a heaven to go to, etc.- were cast aside. I didn't WANT to cast them aside. I had to cast them aside. It was like a sweater that once fit perfectly (or almost perfectly) that had gotten three sizes too big. I couldn't wear it anymore. Coincidentally, I also lost one hundred pounds within this time, without really trying. Are those things connected? Possibly.

The more I read, the more I see how ignorant I really am, how little about the world I really know. And from that humble place, I have begun a new journey. One where the blinders have been taken off. A sometimes-scary, but always fascinating ride. My depression over the loss of my old beliefs is gone, replaced by a new comfort. That comfort? I know how to critically analyze any person or situation. And that, more than any religion's rewards, is the priceless gift I've been given in life.