Okay, I'm falling behind on the daily photo and the daily blog. Sorry. Life happens. I'm not going to expect perfection, from myself or anybody else.

Anyway, read of an interesting, though often-asked question today. The question- if I had a whole day to myself (no mother or pets to attend to, easy transportation, etc.), what would I do with it? My natural first answer, based on my rather frugal and boring life, is just to have a day to myself to read a good book, preferably fictional and unchallenging to my brain. Which is fine...but not exactly what the fun-loving, exciting person I used to be would say. I know, I know- NOBODY is who they were in the 80's. I get it. But I miss that person sometimes. The person who could dance for hours without being sore all over the next day. The person with a five-octave singing range (now it's about two octaves). The person who dreamed of big things. What would THAT version of me like to spend the day doing?

A massage would be nice, for starters. How many times would I have liked to get a massage, but told myself it was a waste of money? Someone pampering me for a change...what a novel concept. I didn't used to think of things like that as a waste of time. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have questioned my motives and just would have gone for the massage. And I would have enjoyed it without remorse. Why do we take on so much guilt as we get older? Is it really such a good thing to get more frugal as we age? Is it selflessness or merely fear that takes over our personalities. I'm not even sure if I'm right- is it wasteful?

Anyone who knows me probably knows that I have an issue with what I perceive as shallowness in others. And living in a celebrity-obsessed culture, I find plenty to dislike. Mostly because I despise the trait when and if I see it in myself. As fun as that "80's version" of me was, I consider that little girl very self-centered now. I knew nothing about other people's suffering. I didn't care about the world- everything was about me. I wanted to be cute, have a boyfriend, be loved (well, worshipped would be closer to the truth). I wanted to be known as the smartest girl, the best singer, the best at everything. And I've let all of that go. But what have I lost in the process? Did I lose what was, in some ways, the best part of me? Not the ego or the shallowness, really, but the desire to just have fun. Consequences be damned. Have I gotten to the point where I think too much about the future and not enough about the fun in the moment? In dropping all of that and becoming an adult, I feel a sense of loss and nostalgia for that time, even though intellectually I know I will a) never get it back and b) like being an adult.

Here's how the fun me would really like to spend a day all to myself. I'd like to catch a movie or a musical, something like "Cabaret"- I love things that come from Broadway. All by myself. I'd love to browse through an old, eclectic bookstore- not the Barnes and Noble type, but one with an eccentric owner and the smell of aging leather in the air. Shop in a thrift store. Grab a cup of coffee and a dessert in a cafe. Take a walk through historic downtown. Go to dinner in some hip, tasty restaurant downtown, as well. Hit a smoky bar in the evening with jazz music, like The Zodiac Club was in the movie "Bell, Book and Candle". Since Maryland doesn't allow smoking and is hardly the jazz capital of the world, I think I'd have to go to D.C. If I'm lucky, I'd find such a bar there. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Back to the book idea, though. As a rule, I don't buy books anymore. As much as I love reading, I despise clutter. And books, like it or not, eventually become clutter. They gather dust. Over time, they get moldy and get dry rot. Granted, you are probably reading this and thinking "This woman has serious OCD." I will not disagree. However, what I'm saying has merit. And frugality rears it's lovely head and says "You have the Internet. Go to Wikipedia if you feel the need to read something of value." But as we all know, there's really nothing like reading a book. I don't live near to a library, so it wouldn't be cost-effective for me.

Knowing me, I'd probably just stay home and read the book. And feel guilty for both spending the day doing nothing and for spending the money on the book to begin with.